


A Crack in the Wall

by Inappropriateggplant



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: "Experienced" Aziraphale, 60's Crowley, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Aziraphale Can Sense Love (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Bittersweet Ending, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Car Sex, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Crowley's Bentley (Good Omens), Crying, Denial of Feelings, Enthusiastic Consent, First Time, Heaven is Terrible (Good Omens), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kissing, Long Shot, Love Confessions, Lovesick Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Porn with Feelings, Protective Crowley, Romance, Scene: Soho 1967 (Good Omens), Service Top Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Tender Sex, Tenderness, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Virgin Crowley (Good Omens), and yet he somehow manages to be a complete oblivious idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25672564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inappropriateggplant/pseuds/Inappropriateggplant
Summary: There were many things Aziraphale knew by heart: the words in every rendition of the bible that he could get his hands on, the smell of old books and how to bring a smile on someone's face when their spirits were low.What he didn't know was how to respond when Gabriel looked dead in his eye and said, "Crowleydesiresyou, Aziraphale. There's a corruption, a disgusting lust in his heart, and he may act on it if you get too careless. He might even try to take you by force."
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 46
Kudos: 255





	A Crack in the Wall

**Author's Note:**

> Wheww I've been mulling over this one for ages now. I've been wanting to write something like this for a long while but I also felt like I'd sorta ruin the absolutely perfect pining from canon, how Crowley was ready to drop everything and run away with Aziraphale in this scene if he gave the word, an absolute lovesick mess and just uuaGGHH.
> 
> In any case I decided to do a bit (lot) of canon-diverging and go with an idea I had since day one, where Heaven somehow caught on about Crowley's feelings and try to spin them into something vile so that they can, by proxy, cause Aziraphale to end it before he falls deeper in, knowing they'd be a threat if they teamed up.
> 
> I agree with the headcanon that Zira is very much aware of how Crowley feels by now, but per usual with my fics I've made him 200% more oblivious so he has no idea.  
> Alright enough spoilers, just clearing things up.
> 
> Mind the tags, the implications get dark but there is absolutely no non-con in this.

There was a slight hop in his step as Aziraphale trekked down the sidewalk, stepping up to his store with a familiar wave of affection. He'd just come back from a long day out and about, grabbing copies of musical records in a dainty little outlet that'd just opened up a few months ago a few blocks from his shop, where the employees were feeling particularly chatty. That made things all the better, since he'd been craving a good talk all week, though he most likely bored them with his babbling. He found a pristine copy of Schubert's string quintet, and was excited to get it playing as soon as he got comfortable at home.

There was an undeniable feeling of gaiety in the world around, the modernity that was accentuated by the occasional sound of music being belted out of a passing car window, or seeping out through the walls of crowded pubs. It was getting a bit too loud for him though, craving something more quiet and mellow, but enjoyed seeing that so many others were having such a spectacular time. The world was alight with ingenuity and bustle, and he couldn't help but watch as it unfolded before him.

He closed the door with a long sigh, shrugging off his coat and picking through his sack to inspect his purchases. He rubbed his hands over crinkly packaging, admiring the colorful designs that decorated the exterior. They'd soon have a loving place in a basket he'd prepared, aligning everything up perfectly for the new additions, albeit a little unexpected. He didn't anticipate getting sidetracked into such a place, but he certainly didn't regret the detour.

Sliding the record down into position on the turntable, he hovered his fingers over the spindle till he heard the first sounds of violin, humming with satisfaction. He walked back over to his sofa and nestled himself into cushions, letting the music wash over him. It was a welcome relief from the busy noises of the day.

He ran a finger over a box of books by his side, wondering which should fill his time tonight. With a flick of the hand, a cup of hot tea appeared in his palm, and he brought it up to his lips, smiling. The evening was perfect now, everything set in motion for relaxation.

"Aziraphale." a voice to his left said sharply. The angel jumped in his seat, flinging his cup in the process. It thumped against an ottoman, then on the hard floor beneath, now nothing but a pool of liquid and ceramic shards. Oh bother.

He whipped his head towards the intrusion, breath catching in his throat when he met the burning eyes of his Heavenly superior. He opened his mouth to speak, but left it hanging there dumbly, unsure of how to approach the conversation. This was _very_ unexpected.

Gabriel walked over and flicked the music off, his grip so tight it nearly ripped the stylus in half. He looked down at the angel sternly, his oppressive stare leaving Aziraphale with no organized thoughts.

"I still have a lot of things to take care of before the night is over, so I'll keep this short. It's come to our attention that you've been interacting with your demonic adversary quite a lot in the past few centuries." Aziraphale's throat felt suddenly very dry, searching his mind for ways he could've somehow broken a rule that governed his existence.

"I-I assure you, I've been doing my best to undo and prevent any of his dreadful crimes, sir."

"That isn't what I'm here about today." he said, sounding almost pained as he walked closer, towering over Aziraphale with a scowl. "I've come to _warn_ you."

"Warn me? Have I missed something?" he squeaked, pulse quickening, head filling with questions. Was there a catastrophe he hadn't stopped? Was there one about to happen that he needed to prepare for? How soon would he have? No, he couldn't fail again. Not after Eden and-

"You could...say that. By your observation, has the beast acted strangely the last few times you've interacted?"

"No...? What, is Crowley-is he-" he stuttered, worry turning to panic, heart hammering. Could Heaven have somehow found out about the plan to give him holy water?! If Gabriel wasn't directing anger at him, then surely they would go after Crowley.

"He _desires_ you, Aziraphale. There's a corruption, a disgusting lust in his heart, and he may act on it if you get too careless. He might even try to take you by force." Aziraphale sat in shock, blood going cold, and then hot. He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, for the ridiculous notion that Crowley was capable of feeling anything beyond pure toleration for him, and that now he was faced with such an accusation. 

"What in Heaven's name are you talking about?" he stuttered, face burning red. "Are you...perhaps thinking of another demon? Or another angel? How did you even come to such assumption?!"

"It's not difficult to notice, Aziraphale. Surely you don't think we don't send someone to keep an eye on you from time to time, just to make sure you don't mess up one of your little assignments. Well, I've gotten word about the conduct between you two, and how the beast can hardly take his eyes off you. It wasn't difficult to put the pieces together."

"No...no, he's just cautious around me, oh course! It's only natural to keep your sight fixed on your enemy, now isn't it?" he rambled, thinking of the most logical answer. The only rational one. 

"He's tempted many others into lust, it would make sense he'd try to do the same with you. He wants to **defile** you."

"Well, I-" 

Crowley was...well, a lot of things. He could be sneaky, incredibly sly, and slip his way out of nearly any situation if he wanted to. He'd pull a few strings to keep him on his toes, but he wasn't...well, _evil_. He didn't do things just to hurt and overpower others, and if he ever found someone he wanted to...make love to, he would never do so without the other's permission. That was something he knew for certain by now.

"Oh, you're dreadfully mistaken. You've got things all mixed up." he was feeling more confident now that he knew it was just a little confusion. Something to laugh about later. "Crowley is certainly a wiley creature, difficult at times to keep up with, but he's never shown any sign of...ah..." he felt warmer, wondering if there was any probability that the archangel could be mistaking lust for...well, _anything_ else, any little contact. Which wasn't out of the scope of possibilities, if the demon was drunk at the time, and maybe a bit careless with his tongue, and his hands for that matter. Rubbing over his neck in a strangely slow pet, whispering things he couldn't make out. It could be taken the wrong way by an outside eye. Yes, someone must've seen him when he'd had one too many drinks, maybe back in Rome. It made enough sense. Still, that was so long ago, and even then he'd been careful about not being seen.

"He wants to contaminate you, violate your purity with desires of the flesh. Use you, tear you apart and then leave you to find something else to sate his wicked urges."

"What?! No, no, you've just gotten confused about something. He doesn't-he wouldn't-I-just look at me!" he tried to say amusedly, motioning vaguely down at himself, an eerie chuckle caught in his throat halfway. "If truly he has any of these...urges, there's scarcely a soul that wouldn't jump at the opportunity to satisfy them. I'm hardly anything to look at." 

"Oh, I know." he sneered, flaring his nostrils. Aziraphale felt a spike of shame creep in and he glanced his eyes down at himself. "I could never understand it either, but it's all those creatures think about. It's in their wiring. They just want something to corrupt. Take, control, dominate. It's all they know. They don't care who or what it is." 

"Not... _that_." he spoke, voice going quiet and faint. "Not that."

"It's in the very nature of a demon, and they don't ask nicely. If they want something, they take it. Just consider this a warning, and don't come crying to Heaven if you let yourself get too comfortable around him and get hurt. We aren't dishing out new vessels for careless angels who let themselves get _used_." he finished, tone leaking repulsion. Aziraphale couldn't think of any possible response, and so kept his mouth glued shut for the next few seconds till Gabriel shook his head and left.

The rest of that night he couldn't relax for one moment, mind going over the words they'd exchanged a thousand times over. _He desires you._

\---

"I could take you somewhere. Anywhere you like." Crowley murmured, gaze finally resting comfortably on the angel, who was keenly aware of both the eyes on him and the crowds of nightlife that passed by the Bentley outside, submerged in the glow of streetlights and neon signposts. 

"... _Okay_." he managed, heart pounding as he realized what he'd said. He didn't know exactly how this night would play out; most likely just as any other, there'd only be a little detour. Then he'd be right back in his store, and he'd be able to breathe.

"Wait, really?" he coughed, a small smile curling at his lips as he observed the other. Aziraphale nodded quickly, breaking his gaze from the window just a moment to look back. 

"Yes, can you just...drive? I don't care where, just try to find somewhere with less...people." Well, that was a truthful enough sentiment. It did feel awfully claustrophobic around here, next to bars and pubs all bustling with late-night customers. 

He heard a few buttons being pressed and then the lights of the car flickered to life, the view outside beginning to slowly pass by. The slight crack in one of the windows did nothing to mask the permeating smell of leather, smoke and...he preferred to cut off his thoughts at that point, trying to draw his attention purely on the scene outside his window rather than the closeness of the other.

His heart was thrumming away mercilessly, each beat reminding him of thoughts he should never have pondered. The words Gabriel had spoken were racing around in his mind, disorganized patterns flowing together all intersecting along a path with no discernible destination. 

A million shades of red and blue passed by as advertisements shined with their best show of colors. Cars parted from their way either by miraculous chance or miraculous cause. 

"Are you okay, angel?" the demon whispered, glancing over to Aziraphale as he drew himself farther into his seat. His hands were clamped over his knees, a tension holding his shoulders square. The question took a few moments to register, and he tried to find an answer that even he could believe. 

"Yes." he said simply, voice quivering ever so slightly. He didn't feel any fear, though he should, riding god knows where in a confined space with someone he should hate.

"Well, any idea yet where you want me to take you? We could go get a bite to eat, maybe?" He was trying to sound casual, but the angel was no fool. He could hear an excitement, an eagerness that hadn't come out since the first time they'd met.

"No, just...can we stop somewhere a bit darker? Less crowded? I can't think clearly with all these people everywhere." he sighed, fidgeting with his coat. Crowley nodded and sped up just a bit. The angel fully rested his head back against his seat, nose pointing up towards the ceiling. What was he _doing?_ Where was he going? Why did he agree to this? Heaven would be furious if they knew. He kept asking himself the same questions over and over, till he couldn't relax even in the comforting warmth of the car. A light sprinkle of rain had started up and he watched tiny droplets of water accumulate on the outside of the windows, the seat below him thrumming to the pulse of the engine. A little like a heartbeat.

Was lust truly wired in a demon's nature? If so, then was it something Crowley...took part in? He'd never even considered the possibility before, and now that he was faced with such a concept there would be no taking his mind off it. 

If he did have some kind of hereditary urge to satiate, did he fulfill those needs with humans? He wondered if tonight, after they parted, he would go do just that. Spend the night with a stranger, take what he wanted and then leave. What if he did that every night? 

He almost chuckled as he thought about it. All his worries should simply be washed away in this, reminded that the world had plenty to offer to offer Crowley if only he asked. 

But he didn't feel better. 

"Could you turn down there?" he muttered, barely audible as they passed by a dark, barren alleyway with just a flickering light to provide any visibility. There wasn't a soul in sight, but Aziraphale wondered if eyes were still watching.

"Sure, but wouldn't you rather go somewhere more...inviting?" he grimaced as he pulled near the long stretch of space, the road coated with puddles of muddy rainwater. "If all you wanted was a bit of privacy I could've thought of something better." _Where? Where could we possibly go where we'd truly be alone?_

"This is fine." Aziraphale murmured, heart pounding more with every passing second. He had so many things he wanted to say, to ask, and wondered if he could before it all got taken away. Even now didn't seem quite real to him, the concept that he had this time all to himself...or they had it to themselves.

He was grateful for the quiet, the Bentley whirring to a stop, just the sound of cars in the distance disturbing the peace. A few luminous signs cascaded brilliant flashes of color behind them, coating the damp walls around each time.

Crowley hadn't spoken or really even moved since the car settled, and he began to wonder who was going to speak first. He knew what the demon would say, anyway. He'd played every scenario over in his head a million times over.

"Thank you for the drive, Crowley." he said in all but a whisper, eyes darting around one last time to check for anybody who might be watching from shadows. "This is much more peaceful."

"S'no problem. I've done enough exploring down here that I know where to go when you need to think. Humans beginning to be too much for you?"

"Well...somewhat." he said sheepishly, twiddling his fingers together in shaky patterns; his hands were clammy. His mind was going blank as he felt the stare to his side, trying to force a swallow through his parched throat. He felt like he'd swallowed sand and the coarse flecks of it had gotten trapped midway down.

"Angel? You okay?" 

Aziraphale started at the sound, somehow more on edge than before. He'd brought himself into this situation and hadn't even thought of what to say! He knew anything he might ask right now would come off the wrong way. What Crowley did in his spare time was none of his business, and...

He turned suddenly towards the demon, looking him straight in the eye. It stung, it felt too close, too real, but he held his gaze firm. Now that Crowley had what he needed, would he go out, find a partner to fill every need with and forget about him? At least until he was needed for something again...Or would this be the end of the arrangement for good? 

He wanted something too. Something a demon could never understand or reciprocate.

Maybe, at the very least, he could satiate Crowley just for one night, even if angels could take no pleasure from such an act. That's what Heaven had always told him.

He reached outwards and grazed a few fingers over Crowley's glasses, sliding them off slowly as he continued to hold his gaze. He heard the sound of a hand tightening around the steering wheel, a small change in his breathing pattern, saw confusion in the golden eyes. They were outlined for a moment as lights flew by outside, a car speeding away and soon leaving them in murky darkness once more.

"I'd like to try something I've always been curious about." He shifted over the seat and grew closer, swallowing down a tight knot in his throat. "If it's alright with you." He'd seen humans do this, he'd watched movies and shows where they did it extensively. It was harmless, it shouldn't be nearly this difficult to initiate, he thought. Yet as he let his eyes trail down to Crowley's mouth, patterns from lucent signposts reflecting on the corners, he couldn't help but freeze up. 

There'd always been a wall between them, invisible but sturdy, and he was going to crack into it. Whatever was on the other side didn't matter. At least he'd get a moment to feel like it did.

When his eyes opened, he had leaned forward and was resting his lips on the demon's, vaguely able to see the intense color of an eye staring back at him in his peripheral vision. It was a soft touch, full of care and tension. He couldn't bring himself to do much more but sit there for a brief moment, his body doing things he couldn't quite understand. Blood was racing under his skin, racketing his pulse in his ears harder than the sound of the engine. He'd always heard this was a sort of initiation, to do more. Or perhaps in his case it was a test. A test to see if Crowley would respond. If he'd be disgusted.

He felt warmth. He'd touched the demon's hands before, though in passing, grazes that he thought about from time to time when books couldn't keep his attention completely. Dry, cracked in a few places, bits of toughened skin like he chewed on them often. Rough, much warmer than himself, pressed into a thin line. Right now he felt that heat along with incessant trembling. 

Aziraphale pulled away only a few seconds later, waiting a moment before looking up again, afraid of seeing a scowl- or, even worse, indifference. He swallowed again as their eyes met, locking with an expression so strange and wondrous he had to remind himself to breathe. He didn't need to, but it helped. He liked having a heartbeat.

"Thank you, dear." he whispered after another minute of silence went by, watching the shifts in the stare sketch out of the shape of his face. "You've always been good to me, you know. Always did things without question, out of your own free will. I know you don't like it when I tell you this, but you really are kind." He waited for his usual rebuke, a harsh word to snuff out the praise, but none came. All he heard was breathing, the crack of a muscle popping, the hand on the steering wheel so tight now it must be burning. His face was a slightly different shade now, though it might've been a trick of the lights. The outline of his throat swayed when he swallowed, painted in red for a moment and blue the next.

There was no way of telling what he was thinking. If he hated it, or if he simply tolerated the sensation because he knew he'd be rewarded with something else. It was selfish to think he'd really enjoy something so superficial. So human.

Aziraphale opened his door and stepped out, the demon watching in confusion as he took a step back and opened the door for the back seat, slipping inside where it was darker. More hidden.

"Angel?" His voice was odd. Distant. 

"Did you have any plans for tonight, Crowley?" he questioned, tone taking on a softer timbre, playing with the buttons of his vest as he watched from behind him. "Tell me if that's the case. I wouldn't want to interrupt."

"No, nothing. None at all. You've got me all night long." came his reply, more of a wheeze than a sentence. Every word struggled to find its way up his throat.

"Would you like to join me back here? It's more comfortable." He felt apprehensive about suggesting such an activity in the midst of the demon's most precious possession, his beloved Bentley, but he was beyond caring. If he was going to give himself in such a way, a... _sacrifice_ , then he wanted to at least get a taste of what he wanted. To share such a space, pretend it belonged to the both of them for just a while, to bask in the scent of leather and a barely disturbed earthy musk.

His hands clenched into small fists while he waited for Crowley to follow, forgoing the convenience of miracles as he often did to fill the blanketing silence with a creak of metal, the door clicking shut when he sat down in the seat opposite him, a good space between them. He listened to both of their breaths till a car sped by and blocked out the sound, vibrating his eardrums in a flash of rumbly screeching before fading into the rest of the night ambiance. 

"...I really am grateful, you know." the demon finally spoke, dark form shifting in Aziraphale's peripheral vision. "What you did for me, well it was..."

"Hardly the right thing to do, I know."

"It was _fantastic_. I think you'll understand that someday."

"Perhaps." He tilted his head to peer over at the demon, who quickly averted his gaze. "To be quite honest, I'd rather forget about all that for the time being." He stared at his hands, hollow and anxious. There was no way to tell what Crowley was thinking, whether their arrangement had been further severed by the advance or if it was just the catalyst of instinctual urges that would change his perception so much that Aziraphale would seem like a satisfactory enough partner.

"Course', course'." 

"...Crowley, I've spent so much time around humans since the beginning of time, and I've learned about their customs, their beliefs and passions. There are some things I still don't understand, however. I was just pondering that recently. I thought, since Earth might not be the same as I know it now forever, I should try everything at least once. That isn't gluttonous, is it?"

"No, not at all." Aziraphale let out a long breath, quietly beginning to undo his bowtie. He could feel the demon watching.

"The thing is, my dear, I've tried just about everything, and something still doesn't make sense. Something that seems so simple for them to savor, and yet to me it's nothing more than a rather dull endeavor. I don't understand the allure, I don't understand the desire." He'd never done this before, not with anyone. He wouldn't do this with a human, it just didn't feel right. They'd always seemed so infantile compared to himself, mere decades of life compared to a sliver of eternity. That, and as his kind wasn't capable of pleasure, there wouldn't be much of a point other than a sort of scientific interest.

He hoped he wouldn't have to say it. He'd created a crack in their wall, and just a tiny speckle of darkness was coming through. If he pushed too hard, it might all shatter at once. Hurt them both. He needed some semblance of control, an act to keep up just for a while longer. "I want to understand. I want to know why so many of them seek it out so fervently."

He'd expected some kind of reply, some little acknowledgement that the demon understood his meaning, but he was still silent. Well, not quite. He was shaking, chattering teeth becoming more evident when Aziraphale finished speaking. He wasn't hiding his stare.

"So I suppose, what I mean to say is...please, if you don't want me to show you, you need to say something right now because I'm about to kiss you again." He heard the smallest _squeak_ , a barely audible gurgle of a noise that came from somewhere deep in the demon's stomach and died halfway up his throat. He wasn't sure if it was a reaction of repulsion, or maybe he really was feeling some impulse after all.

"Anything you want." Aziraphale hadn't expected such a small, soft voice to come from him, so bent on always having a careless demeanor, and it made his chest tighten in a way that scared him. It was like he was breaking somehow. A well-kept facade fading away to something raw.

Another split in the wall. Crackly, like a lightning strike, or perhaps the roots of some old and forgotten tree. Growing and growing, threatening to break.

Aziraphale took one last second to breath before crawling over to Crowley's side and shifting up onto his lap, a movement that took both of them by surprise. The angel hadn't thought he would ever get nearly this far, and now that he was looking down on someone he could only in secret call a friend, he didn't know what to do.

His thighs slipped easily over the smooth material of the demon's trousers, the rounded curve of his belly just grazing against the other's. He was acutely aware of all the sharp angles on Crowley's features now that he was so close. Just about every muscle of his was twitching, his eyes gleaming brightly in the darkness.

The beast stayed still, his entire body frozen and pliant as Aziraphale pressed another kiss just at the edge of his mouth, testing the waters once more. Giving a chance for him to refuse, to end this right now before it got any farther along.

Instead, Crowley shifted his face ever so slightly so that their lips would meet. It was such a small movement that Aziraphale didn't notice it at first, not till he found himself in a second, deeper kiss. Because this time the demon was leaning in too. 

He let his eyes fall shut, savoring the strange, new sensation. The skin of lips were more thin, sensitive than most of the body. Able to detect the smallest vibrations and heat patterns, the way breath rhythmically swept through teeth. He'd never seen the point of such contact till now, though he'd pondered it often. Now, it was starting to make sense.

There was a hand on his nape, fingers curling along the bottom of his skull and into the wisps of his hair. Pulling him closer, urging him forward. The appeal of a kiss wasn't some hard-wired desire that would make someone see stars, jump in the air with glee. Rather, it was the tenderness of it that caught him off guard. The soft encouragements as another hand crept over his back, the light-headed shudder of relief that swept through him. A small, soft euphoria.

He felt Crowley's head tilt, mouth parting just enough to coax his own open a crack. Then, with that small crevice of space, the demon pushed against him and locked their lips together in a deeper seal. There was so much more warmth now, and he could feel Crowley's every breath ghost over his cheek, over his tongue.

He knew Heaven was his place of creation, the place where all the rest of his kind were made from light and joy and any number of other monstrous parts, but this was the closest he'd ever felt to...well, home. A space where he felt welcomed, by someone who was familiar yet often missed, someone that didn't sneer at the sight of him or try to make him feel smaller. An inexplicable feeling was blooming in his stomach, a deep warmth that tangled up in his organs and held a tight grip. He tried to push it away, breaking the kiss to stare at half-lidded, _very_ blown eyes. 

Lust, Aziraphale reasoned. It was nothing but lust. Demons were incapable of anything but hunger for violence, power and lust. He had to remember that. Perhaps Crowley was more savory than the rest of his kind, but it didn't change the fact that he was giving himself in the name of sparing others from temptation, and in the process selfishly pretending it could ever be anything more than lust.

_It's in their wiring. It's all they know._

"Angel..." he finally whispered, voice so soft Aziraphale could barely hear it. A bright blue light cascaded across his face for a moment as a sign blinked outside, washing for his jawline so that the twitch was visible. That, and the slightest glisten of moisture on his mouth that the kiss had left behind.

" _Shhh_..." the angel mumbled back, cupping under Crowley's chin. He felt the racket of a pulse under the tender coat of flesh, his throat bob in a hard gulp. "Do you want me?" He'd heard this expression before, a sentence that retained at least some form of innocence despite the context. Left things open to interpretation. In a way, he couldn't be held responsible if Heaven found out, because he'd never asked for it to begin with.

Crowley didn't reply, just lowered his head and nodded, shoulders visibly trembling. 

"It's okay, I know. I know everything." He couldn't blame the demon for having such instincts. It wasn't his fault, ingrained in him no doubt the moment his celestial body plunged into the rivers of Hell. "You don't have to be ashamed."

"...Can I...can I please kiss you again?" Aziraphale hadn't expected such an innocent request, along with sensation that followed all over his body. 

He nodded a silent agreement, and the next moment they were connected at the mouths again. The movements were stronger this time, like a current of water rippling through their bodies and surging together at the place they were connected. The angel's mind was becoming hazy, groaning as teeth clicked against his own; perhaps they were searching for some core in the midst of him that would satisfy a bestial hunger.

Hearing a slick noise, he jolted when the demon's tongue rolled over his lips. No doubt tasting his purity, stoking his appetite for what was to come. He wondered if such an offering of holy heritage brought more satisfaction to the beast, if defiling sanctity was at the very base of his desires. That, or he was just another partner. Shabby at best, compared to all the others he'd no doubt had through all the years. 

"Y-yo-u should-" Aziraphale sputtered, face blooming with heat, pulling himself away and wiping away the trail of spittle from his chin, shamefully looking to the side when he met eyes that were staring into him. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, easy to pull apart at the seams if he chose to strike. "You should get on with things. I know how much you need this." 

"If that's what you want. We could spend all night just like this if that's what you like." Just like this. To touch in a way that was so new, soft, warm, for hours on end, just the two of them slowly exploring each other. Somehow it didn't sound that bad at all.

_Aziraphale, you're so pathetic._

His body was starting to quiver- well, harder at least, having repressed his body's reaction to both stress and the new feelings all at once. _It's a temptation, you're a sacrifice,_ he told himself again, locking eyes with the demon and starting to unbutton his vest.

_You really think this will be any different just because you're 'friends'? He'll probably go find someone else right after this is over._

The garment slipped down behind him, his coat flowing down to follow as easily as a stream of water, rustling as it hit the floor. 

_One won't be enough. You aren't enough._

He began to work at the buttons of his shirt now, though he faltered when he realized it wasn't really necessary. Crowley wouldn't want to see him like this. In fact, it might deter him if anything. 

"U-um, could I...?" the demon questioned gently, voice high and breathy. Aziraphale wasn't sure of his meaning for a moment, just letting his arms fall back down and rest by his sides. Crowley reached up and trailed his fingers along the angel's collar, looking up every few seconds to watch his expressions. 

There was something strange about the feeling of every button popping open so slowly, shaky hands feeling over every inch of the material as they went, the bones and muscle prominent beneath rough skin. There was an odd look in his eye as well, and Aziraphale still couldn't tell what it was. He looked almost scared.

_You're the one who should be afraid._

When half the angel's chest was exposed, Crowley just kind of...stopped. He stared, contemplating the new discovery like some foreign object perhaps. The soft glow of wide eyes seemed to phase right into him, so bright his skin almost tingled. Aziraphale couldn't watch him like this, so focused on what was surely to be skin that he'd bite into without mercy, as was the way with creatures of Hell. 

"I can't believe this is happening..." he finally rasped, shaking his head and continuing to unbutton. "This is...this is really okay? You mean it? You want to?"

_They don't ask nicely. If they want something, they take it._

"This is happening. It's real." Again, a sentence that left out too much of a clear answer. If he'd never asked for this, it wouldn't be his fault. 

The shirt slid down and fell to the floor, a wrinkled heap of what he always kept so neat and proper. Again, Crowley stared, transfixed on him like a beacon of light. Quivering hands reached up to lightly cup his stomach. The demon let out a long breath and held his hands there, letting Aziraphale feel every twitch and shiver. 

The angel felt like he was a butterfly in a display case, the flimsy barrier of clothing gone so suddenly and leaving his upper half bare, to be viewed and judged. 

"How do I even begin to say this? Angel...there's too _much_." he said in a low whimper, squeezing his hands in cushy skin. The touches were different than how Aziraphale's own hands felt, making him shiver and gasp, tender folds of fat getting squished between shaky fingers. Skimming all over his belly, then settling on his chest. Kneading there too, still staring with a mouth slightly parted. 

The angel's skin tingled where it was touched, more so when the hands trailed upwards around his collarbone. Grazing over his neck, cupping around it and just gently sliding his thumbs in slow circles. "There's so, so much. I want you so _much_."

"You don't have to hide, dear. It's okay. Just let it all out." he murmured by the demon's ear, stroking a hand back through his hair. It'd been so flat to his head that Aziraphale had forgotten how thick it was, a hint of familiar waviness and warmth from his skull. He brushed the fringe away from his eyes, finally able to see his face better.

He looked...melancholic. A long-suppressed agony now merging with a current of hope. It made his heart swell with sympathy, so he simply leaned in and kissed him again, petting under his chin and keeping a light grip of his hair to pull him closer. It wasn't Crowley's fault. It really wasn't. He didn't have a choice.

The angel was sure he'd just tried to mutter something, voice lost in a seal that was turning into a shared, open-mouthed breath. He felt something...shift beneath him. He pulled back and looked down, blinking with confusion at a stiff outline in...oh. So _that_ was an effort.

He knew about them in concept. He'd read books on biology and well, existed during the time of Rome. Personally, he didn't see the point in trying one out for himself, seeing as it'd be nothing more than a useless accessory. 

Still, if he was going to be any kind of sacrifice, he supposed it would be logical to dawn the part and and pretend he could feel anything. He silently flicked his fingers and felt it grow between his legs, an odd sensation of sudden heaviness that he was thankful he didn't have to live with on a day-to-day basis.

"...I've never done this." Crowley slipped out in a small voice, and the angel struggled to understand his meaning. "I don't know what to do. I mean, I do, but I don't. Just...can you tell me what to do?"

They sat in silence till the air started to become more tense, the demon biting on his lip and looking to the side, evidently thinking he'd just ruined the night entirely. It must've been a test. Or a game. Or maybe he meant he'd never done this with a male partner before. That must've been it.

"It's alright, dear, I'll show you. It's not difficult at all, you just have to let it happen." He didn't know what he was talking about, heart thumping blood fast in all directions with no discernible pattern. Well, he logically knew the steps involved. He just had to take control for a while. Maybe this was for the best, maybe Crowley knew he'd become violent with lust if left to his own devices.

"'Let it happen'..." he repeated in a whisper, eyes dipping down Aziraphale's body. "Then is it alright if I do this too?" He leaned closer and dipped his head just under the angel's chin, parting his lips wide and sealing them on Aziraphale's throat. The skin there was incredibly soft, a layer of fat that was soon gently pulled in an open-mouthed kiss.

Somehow this made the angel's toes curl, hot breaths pooling over sensitive flesh, creating a coat of condensation. He sucked, running his hands through Aziraphale's hair just as the other man had a few minutes before. His fingers twisted through the blonde fringe, drifting around in a circle to feel his entire head, before gripping the top of his skull and pulling it back and down. 

More of Aziraphale's throat was exposed now, and without warning Crowley started licking upwards in long, searing lines that left a cooling wetness behind. He'd finish every lap with a kiss on different places along his chin, slowly going around. 

Aziraphale must've been experiencing a...sort of phantom pleasure from existing in a human form for so long, he thought, odd noises bubbling up his throat and getting muffled when he swallowed again. The touches caused tiny shocks, especially where he was being laved but really all over. His hands were tingling, his stomach alive with a static that wouldn't die down, like there were little sparks all intersecting and catching on every organ. 

"You still alright? No second thoughts?" _Don't make me say it. Please don't make me say it._

"Crowley. _Do you want me?"_

" _ **Yes**_." he breathed, suddenly rising up to meet his eyes. They were so bright now, etched with desire and gold. "I want you more than anything, and I have-" he moved in against the angel's ear, gaping his mouth next to it, "- _forever_." 

He bit down softly on the shell of his ear, rolling his tongue right into the center of it. That same wet sound as before began filling up Aziraphale's head, hungry slurps that had him gasping quietly. Crowley held onto the back of his head tight, gripping it back harder and rubbing, nipping, stroking his chin with the slightest hint of claws.

Something so baffling about being...well, _tasted_ , now that he'd come to realize it, was that the demon still managed to use such care with every touch. His hold was firm, pulling his head lower and lower till his back arched, and still he used enough slack to keep him secure but comfortable. Another hand was on his back now, locking him there so Crowley could take his time savoring soft folds of skin.

"If everything in this world vanished one day and you alone existed, I would be satisfied." he continued to whisper, moving over to his other ear, encasing it in the same moist heat, biting and sucking. "If Hell wins and Heaven falls, I will find a way to keep you safe. I'll take you somewhere where we can forget about all this, and you'll never want for anything again, because I'll do anything for you."

Aziraphale's heart was twisted into a sharp knot, pulse so fast now it was painful, and every touch seemed to amplify it in a way that felt strangely good. He wanted more of it. He leaned into the touches that blanketed his body, curling around Crowley like a flower to the sun. In return, the demon kissed him. Over and over, building in excitement, the smile playing at his lips visible whenever a flicker of light ran over his face.

All this had to be...talk. The kind of things people might say in a fit of passion, hardly anything more than a fantasy. It felt good to exchange such praise. 

"I know you need this quickly." he mumbled, shuddering out every unnecessary breath while he heard noises that made it sound like he was being eaten. Tongue twisting deep in his ear, then slipping out over the shell of it, the slitted ends nestling on both sides. Soon his mouth was down over his throat again, introducing teeth there as well. "You shouldn't restrain yourself so much."

"I'd never begin to have the kind of time I need. Angel, I've waited so long. I never thought this would happen, and now I _have_ you, and I don't even know what to do." He finally slowed and looked back up, cupping the angel's cheeks and pressing a few more gentle kisses on both. "Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want. Tell me how I can show you." _Show me what?_

Again, Aziraphale searched his mind for things he could say, ways to keep the blame off of himself when it was all over. He wasn't sure if that was even an option anymore. 

Sighing hard, he took one last long look in Crowley's eyes and ground his hips down and forward.

The effect was immediate, the shape beneath him stiff and hot twitching and at the same time the demon cried out in the stillness of the car. He grabbed Aziraphale's shoulders, nestling his nose against his neck, huffing breath against it. 

"It must be a tight fit by now. Would you like me to take it out for you?" Crowley made a tiny choke and nodded, looking shamefully to the floor.

"If you want to. You don't have to. You can ignore it if you want, I won't complain." He evidently would complain, or rather his body would, seeing as the bulge had grown even more in just the past few seconds.

"I do want to. I'll h-" He realized he'd said it. He'd ruined everything and said it. He couldn't stop now. "I'll help you, if you'll let me. Take care of your urges, give you the release you need." Crowley wasn't about to protest, balling his hands into fists while Aziraphale slid back and forth over the heat, curiously sliding a finger along the demon's thigh to test the waters further. "If you want something then shouldn't you take it?"

Something seemed to click in Crowley's eyes, staring at him like he'd just uttered some ancient curse. "I-I mean...I'm a little surprised it's taken you this long, honestly. If it's been such a powerful crave, you could've asked sooner. There wouldn't have been any need to..." he trailed off, considering his words carefully. What he meant to say was that he never would've had to do this with anyone else. Obviously because, whether he knew it or not, he was leading those people to temptation. It had to be a sin. It had to be. 

If he could fill their places somehow, if the urges outweighed his disinterest in Aziraphale's looks, his shape, then perhaps he could've taken the role. It could've been part of their arrangement, and it wouldn't have been against the rules...would it?

"Do you want _me?"_ Crowley growled against his ear, catching him off guard. His tone wasn't angry, in fact he could hardly recognize it in such a rasp. It was hunger.

"...Fine, yes, now can you-" The demon looked at him with such reverence he wondered if the Her light was pouring from his face, mouth curling upwards in a way he wouldn't see unless he was drunk and careless, forgoing his demeanor to smile like he'd discovered a new Eden. 

Aziraphale couldn't bare to look at him like this, lost in a sort of wistfulness he somehow felt guilty for giving him, shifting backwards and cupping him through the trousers. The demon reacted with a whimper again, but this time it didn't sound like so much of a surprise as desperation, throwing his head back against the cushioning. "I'll make you feel better. I'll make you feel good, okay? Is that what you'd like?"

"Anything, angel, I'd let you do anything." 

"Anything encompasses an awful lot of things, Crowley." he tried to tease, though the shiver was evident in his voice now, feeling over the demon's zipper. They were really going to do this, weren't they? "What if I told you I wanted you to run to every bookstore in the world and fetch me anything my heart desired, or demanded sweets delivered to me in bed every morning. What then?" The demon's eyes widened, the smile on his face growing as if he'd just said something very lovely indeed.

"Yeah? What if I liked the sound of that?" Aziraphale breathed a quiet grumble and pulled the zipper down, trailing his palm over the last, thin bit of fabric left between them. " ** _Fuck_**... _mh_... _angel_..."

"What if you whisked me all the way to some other galaxy, found just the perfect planet where you could have me all to yourself, sate your every desire, just to find out I'm not enough. That you'd gone to all that trouble just to realize I'm...I'm not all that interesting at all. That there are far better offerings right here on Earth." Crowley's expression changed to something more pained, brows creasing. 

"You really think that? Aziraphale, I'd-" The angel didn't wait to hear his answer, preferring to block out the sound by wrapping an arm around the demon's neck while he slipped the effort out into his other hand. "Angel!" He choked and coughed, the car filling with the sound of panting till he finally got some semblance of composure back. He'd lurched forward, gripping the angel's thighs tightly.

"It's okay, dear, it's okay." he murmured along the demon's ear, feeling him shudder under his touch. It felt strange around his palm, hot and moist with sweat, the coating of skin soft over a much stiffer base. "How does that feel?"

"Good." He flinched as if mentally hitting himself, quickly adding, "Fantastic, amazing, _f-fuck_ I'm sorry, I can't think right now. What I mean to say is...what I mean to say..."

"That's fine, you don't have to do anything but let me help you. Poor thing, it's throbbing so much. Is it like this for you all the time?" 

"Most of the time I can keep it control, no matter how many miracles it takes." So he really did have such needs, admitting to it while groaning so loudly next to his face. Aziraphale couldn't help but wonder how often he used such a voice on an unknowing human, hardly needing to use any temptation to get them in a bed beneath him. Or above him like this. He wondered how many others had looked down at him, how many times he'd whispered such sweet praises to strangers.

No, tonight Crowley was his. His...assignment. His self-appointed assignment, to save at least one soul from falling to sin. He had to keep re-stating this in his mind as he looked down, the demon's face contorting as he ground his teeth together and hissed.

"Well there's no need to control anything now. Not around me." he forced out, pulling his eyes back down as he touched the tip of Crowley's effort, which twitched hard as soon as their skin met. He'd never seen an effort such as this up close before, squinting his eyes to see the strange shape of it in the dim light. He could see a faint glisten of something wet accumulating on the top, feel it on his hand from where he'd touched. 

"Do you want me to touch you like this? Or perhaps..." he backed away just a bit, running another hand over his own effort, which had grown by itself over the past few minutes. He blinked at it, confused as to how it would change so, but pushed the thought away for the time being. He'd heard it was a reaction to circulating blood, and well, judging by how fast his heart was beating, it was moving quite quickly around in his body. "Perhaps that wouldn't be enough for you? I want to satisfy you. Tell me how."

Crowley stared dumbly at him, mouthing words without a voice. He could hear his pulse from here. "That is, if you still want to do this..."

"Can I?" he let slip, sealing his lips closed again like he'd said the wrong thing.

"Oh, do you mean copulation?" 

"... _Ngk_." he sputtered, face so flushed now it was clearly visible. "Yeah...yeah, I mean that. Is that okay to ask?"

"Hush now, I've already told you I want you, isn't that enough?" He hadn't said those exact words till now, his own face heating up as he spoke. A simple mistake. "I want to leave you contented, help you release all this tension in your body." Crowley didn't have to keep pretending he'd never done anything like this. It did help the angel feel a little less stupid as he remembered his trousers would need to be off, miracling them away to the floor along with his shirt and leaving the demon frozen under him.

There was...a lot of cool air now. He could feel it breeze along his legs and arms. It contrasted to the feverish burn of skin beneath him, Crowley's breaths landing over his chest as he finally let his eyes roam downwards.

"I know, you don't have to look if you don't want to. All that matters is the act itself, isn't that right?" Right, of course. That's what a demon would care about; getting straight to the core of this night would've been preferable, he thought. That way he wouldn't have had to face tomorrow and remember how much he'd indulged his own selfish desires before it got to this point.

Crowley _was_ looking, though. He was staring in a way that made him very self-conscious, wishing he'd at least kept his shirt to give himself some kind of cover. 

Now he was doing more than that, inching his hands over the angel's knees, fingers spider-like and splayed out, grazing the length of his thighs. 

"You're gorgeous." he breathed, closing in to kiss up his throat, quickly finding a soft area right in folds of his chin where he liked the best, nibbling at it. "Just like I'd imagined. No, better. So much better. I never thought I'd actually get to see you like this." He sounded so...happy. It was a little unnerving, given his tendency to hide behind his glasses whenever he so much as showed a hint of humor. It was pure, unfiltered happiness. 

"Please," he started, trying to force away a well-up of something in his stomach, something warm and painful, swelling like an infected wound. "We shouldn't waste any more time talking. If we stay out too long, the sun will come up."

"Then I'll stop time so it can be only the two of us as long as you like."

"Maybe _I_ want to get on with this." he muttered, fixing him with a sort of experimental pout he hadn't dared use even in the past when he'd use his eyes to ask for favors. "Isn't six thousand years enough?"

"Of-of course!" he quickly said, looking a bit ridiculous with his effort swaying rigidly in front of him. "I'm sorry, we'll go as fast as you want. I'll never make you wait for anything ever again." Those words got under Aziraphale's skin, wishing he hadn't spoken at all. 

"Then...alright, I'll just um..." He looked down at himself and wondered how he'd even begin. Intercourse seemed simple as anything could be, but he'd never thought about how the process might go for himself. He knew ah... _taking_ Crowley in wouldn't be possible without some sort of lubrication, and a miracle could produce such a substance as well as stretching himself with minimal effort, but... after all this time, it seemed like a bit of a cheat. He wanted to know what all of it felt like from start to finish. "If we're going to do this, it'd be a good idea to prepare myself first. I know you're about to burst, but..."

"...Oh! Right, course', no, we'll-" he stammered, face somehow taking on an even deeper shade in this dark light, "-We'll take as long as you need. No rush."

"Thank you. Ah, you know how this works, don't you? Some idea of it, at least."

"...A little?"

"Well, I'd like to do things a little slow, and in order to fit you inside I'm going to need to-" he heard Crowley make a small wheeze in his throat, eyes widening. "I'm going to need to get my body ready. You wouldn't happen to have something I could you, do you?"

The demon clicked his fingers and a tiny vial of some kind of fluid appeared in his palm. He handed it over the waiting angel and looked shamefully to the side. "That's good, this will do nicely. Now I suppose, ah, if you don't mind, I'll just sit over there and stretch myself for a while. Can you manage to wait a little more?" He heard another noise, more of a whine this time. Crowley sounded desperate.

"Um, can I do it?" he questioned right as Aziraphale started to move off his lap, sheepishly bowing his head while rubbing his fingers together in shaky circles. "If you'd like."

"I don't see why not. It might be easier to reach that way." He shifted over to the other side of the seats, laying on his back and spreading his legs. It hadn't really occurred to him till now just how exposed he was, looking down at his own effort standing by itself. How odd a contraption it was. 

He then looked up at the demon, who's face was more visible from this angle. He looked very strange, shifting around, darting his tongue out in short flicks. If he didn't know better he'd say he was tasting the air between them. "Tell me if you change your mind. It isn't necessary to do things this way, but I'd like to know what it feels like."

"So it's okay to use my fingers? Put-," he gulped down the rest of his sentence, the outline of his Adam's apple bobbing hard, "-Put them inside you?"

"Of course. Unless you had a different preference for which effort I should wear. I didn't really think about what you had experience wi-"

"You're _perfect_. Please, don't change anything, just let me touch you."

"Oh. Okay." He felt a little more breathless now as the demon was closing the distance between them, what little of it was left. His eyes were fixated solely on Aziraphale, making small hisses and whispers under his breath. 

"Whenever you're ready." He pet along the angel's stomach, his flanks, bending down to pepper more kisses around with the new areas of skin he had access to. "I'll be gentle as I can, but remember I'm not exactly versed in this sort of thing." That was an obvious lie, but Aziraphale let it slip. "Tell me if anything hurts and how I can make it better."

The feeling of lips right on the most tender parts of his belly was toe-curling, the flat locks of the demon's hair prickling sensitive skin. Still taking so long to get to the task at hand...Aziraphale began to worry that Crowley was having second thoughts after all.

"I can take whatever you give me, dear." he said in his sweetest voice, trying to coax him into action. "What's a bit of discomfort when I can finally know what it feels like to have someone make love to me?" He really shouldn't have said that. Firstly, nothing about this was going to be full of love. It was going to hurt. Crowley was going to be changed by instincts and everything was going to be forceful and painful. The fact that he'd held out so long was odd, but perhaps he'd learned to wait throughout the years before striking, so the satisfaction would be better.

Secondly, the demon had _listened_ to him. His hand was moving in now, one pushing Aziraphale's inner thigh further open while the other held the vial. He started to uncap it, a fluid dripping down from blue glass onto his long fingers.

"I can't promise my first time I'll be the best partner you could imagine, but I do promise you'll never want anyone else." His hand went back to his knee and hoisted it farther away, burrowing himself between Aziraphale's thighs. With his other hand coated in the slick fluid, he took and deep breath and brought it down to his hole, just grazing there. "I'll do anything you want, angel, you just have to give me the word."

Aziraphale's heart was thrumming deep in his chest, eyes fixated on the creature's bright eyes that'd been staring into his the past few, long seconds. "Um...please?" That was apparently enough for Crowley, because the next moment a finger was sliding inside the tight ring the of muscle. 

"Oh... _oh_." he gasped, clamping his mouth shut to suppress another. The demon was only using a pinkie, but the stretch was already new and strange. It rested there, Crowley watching his expressions for signs of pain. "It's...it's-it's okay, really. I just wasn't quite expecting it to feel like _that_." He felt like his body was squeezing, hugging the new addition either with welcome or resistance; maybe a bit of both. 

"Breathe, Aziraphale. Breathe." he leaned in a ghosted a breath over the angel's cock, smiling as it twitched at the attention. "You're doing so well already. All you have to do is lie back and I'll do everything for you."

Aziraphale tried to relax, he really did, but it was hard when the demon had started flicking his tongue out and narrowly missing his effort every time. He heard small and very quiet chants of, "You chose me...", along with the occasional hiss, and he still wasn't sure what to do or think. What to do with his hands except grip them into what little give the seats had, trying to spread his thighs further. Yes, Crowley would want him open. Give him plenty of access to find his own pleasure when the time came.

He wondered what it'd feel like. To have something that large sink into him, to be used while Crowley said such sweet compliments. Ultimately, no matter how it sounded, this wasn't about himself. This was about helping his friend. He couldn't feel pleasure and this was going to hurt, whether he liked it or not.

The finger was moving now, a slow thrust that took him by surprise. He reached out for something softer to grasp and the demon offered his hand, which he took instinctively. 

"It's okay, I've got you. You can grab onto me if you want...my neck, my shoulders, my hair...anywhere. Touch me anywhere you like, as hard as you like." Crowley had never been too fussy about his appearance, seeing as half the time his hair was in a state to begin with. Even so, the idea that he could simply take hold of him, tousle up his fringe even further for something as slight as a bit of discomfort made him strangely happy. "How's it feel? Too fast?"

"I'll be fine. I just have to accustom myself to it." he tried to say clearly, though half of the sentence was choked out. "Please, you can add another." He tried to sound like he was the one in a hurry to get on with things, seeing as Crowley was so determined to keep his own needs at bay. 

" _Fuck_...keep saying 'please' and my patience will run out too." Aziraphale wasn't sure what he meant by that, tilting his head.

"What, please?"

"Angel!" He added in another finger and Aziraphale shut his mouth tight, trying to force some air into his lungs, slow his heart rate. "I've already waited thousands of years, I can wait just a bit longer for you, but that doesn't mean you have to torture me..." He was speaking with a soft smile, bending down to start kissing his inner thighs while he worked his fingers into him. "Look at you, taking this much in already." He added a few more drops from his vial, taking out the digits just long enough to slick around the area, slipping back in more smoothly this time. 

He unexpectedly leaned in and swept his tongue all the way up the angel's cock, earning a shocked gasp. Aziraphale didn't know how to react, seeing his effort swell in response. He remembered that such reactions were fairly normal within a human vessel, though he doubted much else would come of it. 

"That...won't be necessary. I'd like to wait till you're inside me, hm?" His words clicked on another light in the demon's eyes, movements becoming stronger. "What's it going to feel like, Crowley? Being filled with you?" He heard a loud cough, the demon freezing to stare down at him wildly. "I often wonder why human's talk about it so much."

"In jussst a minute, I'll show you." he hissed, adding in another finger and a trickle of lubricant, only waiting a moment before diving back in. Aziraphale's body was definitely stretching to meet the new additions, most likely in part because he was so distracted by Crowley's tongue as it kept flicking out and rolling over his lips like a starving beast. "I won't do anything you don't want, I'll make sure it feels good. You just have to tell me how."

The angel couldn't tell if one of them had used a miracle or his body was somehow growing desperate, but he looked down and saw how the fingers had sank to the knuckles. There was some kind of deep sensation now, a fullness that felt very satisfying as Crowley continued to work him open, constantly adding more liquid and smoothing it along sensitive muscle. He was kissing all the while, nipping into his thighs, hardly taking his eyes off his face. 

This could've gone all night from the way the demon was going, checking over and over, stopping any time he let out a slightly breathy noise. There was some area deep inside that he'd been avoiding as well, and every time he'd even slightly grazed past it he managed to feel...something. It made him curious, anyway, and he was also sympathetic as he watched the demon's effort bob between his legs.

"You must be aching terribly by now." he sighed, trying one last time to calm his nerves, shifting around the fullness. "...Go on and satisfy yourself. You've waited long enough." Crowley's eyes gleamed a fearful shade of gold, outlining the space around them like the day's last rays of sunlight.

"Angel, I will wait as long as you need."

"Crowley, _please_." he whispered, catching the spark of hunger that appeared in his face, mouth parking in a snarl, revealing a lustrous row of teeth. "I need you to do this. Please." No further requests were necessary, Crowley pressing another kiss down on his jaw.

"As you wish." He lined their bodies up, nuzzling into the space between Aziraphale's thighs, closer and closer. "I want you to remember that you can tell me to stop, and I will. I'll wait, I'll keep on waiting till you-"

"Hush now." he grinned the best he could, patting the beast's face. "It's only a bit of intercourse. What are you so worried about?" The demon grew more red, hiding his face in the nook of his throat. He was breathing so hard, his skin hot as fire. "People do it all the time. I don't believe it's ever killed anybody." There was a very real possibility that he could be discorporated if things got too out of hand, but he closed that train of thought off. Either way, everything would work out alright.

Crowley bit behind his ear, drawing out a small gasp of surprise. "You're sure you're ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." This part he could believe. They'd come this far, and well, it would be nonsensical to turn back now.

The demon cupped the base of his cock and started to angle it right in front of the angel's thoroughly slick entrance, still shaking hard and hissing with every exhale. "...Like this?" His voice again sounded lost and soft, and Aziraphale felt the need to hold him and tell him everything would be alright. Ultimately, whatever happened, they'd be okay. 

Aziraphale would forgive himself one day.

"Right there. Now...push." The gradual pressure made the angel clench his hands into fists and squeeze his eyes shut, though Crowley moved one hand to cover his, smoothing out his fingers enough to interlace them. "You're doing alright, just a little harder and you'll- _oh!"_ he choked, the head popping inside. 

He opened one eye to peer down, seeing the place where they were now connected with a strange warm twinge on his stomach. Perhaps the utter amazement that the night's events had even led to this, that they were now on the cusp of doing something he'd only ever heard of in books about human biology. 

Crowley, however, he was _whimpering_. He'd never heard such a desperate noise come from him, so bent on presenting as the tough thing he thought himself. Now, though, he was the most vulnerable creature the angel had ever laid eyes on. His mouth was gaping, panting, and he struggled to calm his shivering body.

"You alright, my dear? Does it hurt?"

"Does it- _Aziraphale_ , I should be asking _you_ that!" he snapped, though there was nothing but softness in his voice. "I can't believe it...I'm actually _inside you_." Aziraphale blushed at those words seeped in such tenderness, a tone he couldn't have predicted whatsoever at the beginning of this night. There was no burning, there was no chewing or clawing. There was only the stretch, one that didn't feel unbearable at all. He gave an experimental wiggle. " _Fuck!"_

"What, you could feel that?" Crowley scowled at him, though it didn't last for more than a second, a smile breaking through that blocked out every little dark doubt in the angel's mind. Right now, he'd just focus on this. Not the future, not the judgement, just this. 

The demon pushed his hips a bit more, burying himself deeper. Aziraphale gasped, starting to feel _very_ full. "What, you could feel that?" he said in a fake mocking tone, pressing three more breathless kisses down on trembling lips. "Hey, is it too much?"

"Anthony, if you don't move right this second-" Crowley lurched his hips forward involuntarily, squeezing the rest of his length inside. It was such a sudden motion Aziraphale didn't have much time to prepare, shuddering at a new ache that filled him to the brim. After taking a few seconds to recover, he looked back up at him and smiled the best he could. "Yes... _ah_...there we are. See? That wasn't so hard."

Crowley was staring back at him was an expression he could only describe as adoration. Well, obviously because he was fulfilling his urges. Nothing more. 

The demon started move slow and steady, Aziraphale wincing at the constant stretch. Well, this wouldn't be so bad, would it? Just lie back and be used a little. When it was all over, he could perhaps go read a long book and drink some cocoa.

"I love you." The air around them buzzed with a sort of electric current, the angel's body going tense and rigid. He...he hadn't heard right. Or maybe he had; people would say these kinds of things during intimacy. It simply happened, a slip of the tongue. "I've wanted you since we first met, and till now I didn't think you felt the same. You do, Aziraphale, you _do_. How can I ever do enough to show you how I feel?"

The angel held onto Crowley's shoulders as the movements started speeding, the creature gazing at him and smiling. He shouldn't have been smiling. He should've been snarling, snapping his jaw into skin and _taking_. That's what demons were supposed to do. "You're-you're mine. Is that alright to say? Because if it is, I'm never- _mhh_ -going to stop saying it. Mine, my angel. My _Aziraphale_."

"C-rowley-" he gasped, getting pushed back into the corner by strong surges, throwing his head back and moaning when that same place deep inside was touched, but only for a second. His body was beading with sweat, the car starting to squeak and rock with the thrusts, filling with the sounds of breath, skin meeting skin.

"What is it? Angel, you can tell me anything. I'm here." he halted for a moment, looking down at him with total attention. Tonight Aziraphale felt like he was the demon's whole world, and that was such an utterly selfish and un-angelic notion he could hardly wrap his head around it.

"You can stop talking like that." he managed to say, dazed from scent and sensation, looking vaguely down and seeing his own cock dripping onto his belly. But Heaven had told him... "You don't have to pretend. You don't have to act just to make this better."

"That I'd do anything for you? It's no lie, and I'll do whatever it takes to prove it." He thrust in deep, shocking the angel with a sudden current of pure pleasure, making him cry out in the confines of the Bentley. "Ask for something and I'll give it. Tell me what to do and I'll do it." He pulled out just long enough to cover Aziraphale with his whole body, the cruel demon making him feel warmer and safer than he'd ever felt before, and finally lunged back in.

This time the angel saw stars, grabbing handfuls of Crowley's hair and whimpering, his cock swelling with every thrust. "I'll always show it with every day of my existence from now on, angel. You'll want for nothing, you'll live in the most comfort I can possibly offer. I'll never leave your _sssss_ -side, I swear it. Every day and night I'll be your company, your friend and lover-" 

Aziraphale couldn't take such sweet words, reaching up and pushing their wet mouths together. They managed to stay close like that even as the demon thrust, sharing breaths and labored noises. 

It wasn't true, it wasn't true, it wasn't true. Only words from a fit of passion, adding an extra softness to the pleasure. 

He tried to think of the souls he must've saved tonight from the temptation of sin, from getting to have Crowley instead of him. No, no, that wasn't right either. His thoughts were racing and tangling in his high of sensations, drawing near to same great catalyst he'd only heard about in passing. He was finally afraid.

"Crowley...Anthony...!" he repeated over and over, eyes clamped shut while lips mapped out his face, always a sturdy place to wrap his hands around when he reached out. "Something's happening to me...something's wrong. I can feel it, it's growing, I don't know what to do!" He moaned high and uncontrolled, every breath a deep gasp.

"You're gonna _come_." he whispered back hoarsely, still a sweet edge to his tone, still staring and watching the angel come undone beneath him. "You're okay...we'll do this together."

"It feels so strange, I can't control it, I can't do anything!" he continued to whimper, the entire car hot with perspiration, groaning under their movements. Crowley hit that wonderful place in Aziraphale over and over, not sparing a moment for him to regain himself. "It-no, Cro-!"

All at once, the angel's whole body shook and his effort began to swell impossibly further till it spilled wet warmth out over his belly, his cries echoing in the small space and sounding foreign even to his own ears. He wasn't thinking about how he sounded; he couldn't think at all, too wrapped up in the impossible amount of raw pleasure he felt. It was as though he couldn't handle the sensations, his hands clawing into the demon's back the way he'd been so sure Crowley would do to him instead, and he quivered through the afterwaves wrapped up in arms that held him secure.

"I love you, Aziraphale, and I always will."

_He will use you, tear you apart and then leave to find something else to sate his wicked urges_

Aziraphale looked up into eyes that were contorted in worry, all movements frozen aside from the hands that were cradling his head. He hadn't realized he'd started crying, too lost in the moments to notice the first drop roll down his cheek and stain the seat.

He'd been holding in his body's reactions to emotion for too long, and they were spilling out all at once; guilt, there was so much guilt. He was such a bad angel, such a horrible soldier. She would never forgive him. Yet...none of that was quite it. There was something else, something far greater and more powerful flowing through his lungs and into the space between them, and he realized in that moment that he was enveloped in the midst of something more precious than he could find words for.

Beauty, kindness, love...they were nowhere to be seen in Hell. Despite what he'd been told throughout the years, he'd never noticed much in Heaven either. Every act of gentleness had a string attached, every commendation had a command behind it. 

Right now, he was surrounded by someone that had, despite all the odds, found a way through his mind and body, through every perfect structure meant to serve a higher power and somehow managed to clasp whatever there was at the core of his being, and held on. 

And he _cried_. His chest heaved and he choked through a burning sting of a sob, cheeks going wet with heavy tears that melted again the seats. A disgusting display of weakness that shouldn't have been tolerated by his own kind, let alone his rival.

Crowley held him. He gripped him by the shoulders in a way that was tight and secure, shuddering intensity, and yet somehow managed to be gentle. Aziraphale coughed and wailed against his ears, the sound of his own voice beating in his head, the car ringing with it. His body shook, he yelled out babbles of nonsense that only made sense to his frantic mind that searched for expression in an emotion that had none, and Crowley didn't let go.

Love wasn't part of his function. He didn't feel love for all creatures as he should; that was something else he'd been told to believe, and found it to be just another falsity. He wasn't made of it, he didn't love the people that shot others in the head with guns. He didn't love everything, only little things he'd found on this Earth that he felt some inexplicable connection to. 

Books, art, music. Things that people created. Things that were carved from other people's hard hours of challenging themselves to express the state of living. He thought he knew what that meant, after all he usually lived his days without the use of miracles to ease every task. He let challenges come and consume him so he could grow from it and call himself a living being. A being that could experience, see through the eyes of others, and as his collection of stories grew in his store throughout years past, he thought he could leave a little bit of himself on this fragile planet as well.

"Angel, angel, angel." he whispered over and over, petting his face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I hurt you, didn't I? Where's the pain? Tell me and I'll make it disappear. I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

There wasn't any pain. Not physically. There was nothing Crowley could fix with a snap of the finger, will away into nothingness. He couldn't either. It had found its way in a long time ago, a growing monster that lingered behind their wall. A creature that defied all reason.

That wall between them had broken, shattered, crumbled till there was nothing but shards that wouldn't hurt him, because what he'd found on the other side was never going to let anything happen to him ever again.

"I'm here. I've got you. Just tell me where it hurts." He did hurt. Somewhere down beneath his rips, in his hands and toes, wedged in bone and flowing in his circulation, there was a throbbing pain that swelled to the surface and bit at his nerves. 

There was no voice anymore guiding his every action. The barrier between them was gone, vanished, from his searching hands that had hit against it over and over, forcing it to break all at once. He wasn't at all ready, he didn't know what to do, there wasn't enough time. 

Crowley loved him.

He lurched forward on his seat, pushing the demon away with a cry. He tumbled backwards next to the window, looking down at the mess of himself. There was a trickle of spend between his thighs, a reminder of what he'd done, what he'd let Crowley do so willingly. He already remembered that pleasured groan in his ear when it'd happened, how he'd emptied all that'd been built up deep inside him. He felt so warm and full, and just wanted to curl up and savor the new sensation, but he forced himself to move.

"Angel, please forgive me-" he tried to say again, in a voice that would haunt Aziraphale in the raw vulnerability of it. He'd given himself wholly, brought Aziraphale to a depth of pleasure he never knew was possible, and even now he was reaching out his hands with the promise of a soft embrace. Something he _needed_ right now. He needed to be held, to weather out these harsh shakes of his corporation, to be told he hadn't done wrong.

He needed to be told, again and again, that he was loved.

Instead he wrenched his trousers and only his shirt back on, muttering out apology after apology, backing away and throwing the door open. He _left_ , he left Crowley sitting in a place where they'd just done something primitive and needful, where he'd been allowed to scream and cry in both bliss and cathartic desolation, where he'd teased and encouraged the demon to open up for his eyes only just to push him away.

He must've looked like he'd lost his mind to anyone who might be watching, his shirt a ruffled, half-buttoned mess that whipped behind him as he ran blindly. He didn't care where he ended up, he just needed to get away.

The night was deafening and silent all at once, lights hitting his skin with their every luminescent blink, late-night party-goers gaping as he sped by like a drunkard, or perhaps a man possessed. Maybe he was. 

Maybe he had been ever since he'd known that kindness, the patience to listen to his foolishness, the creature that still found reasons to love despite his every flaw. All this time he'd blocked it out, the ever-flowing presence of energy that felt too welcoming, too safe. He didn't trust _safe_. Heaven had felt safe, before his first punishment. He had been in the presence of the host, a collective awareness of what they called love and justice, and he still felt alone when the whips came down on his back.

In that space of nothingness he told himself didn't exist, Crowley had found a way in. He didn't claw or bite to get there, he had listened to his rambles about boring reads and let him get out his worries without telling him to shove it all back inside. He'd come to his rescue when he didn't need it, when he wanted company in the worst years of mankind and needed to be reminded that he could be more than just a principality. He loved him.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do.

**Author's Note:**

> Me midway through writing this: fuck fuck fuck is there actually anywhere in the UK that ISN'T completely crowded with people 24/7??? DOES THE UK EVEN HAVE ALLEYWAYS????!!! (<\- grew up in the middle of nowhere surrounded by forest in good ol' murica)
> 
> Well, hope you've enjoyed this ~~unexpectedly long~~ thing I wrote that made me sad repeatedly and I sat there after writing it asking why I'd done this to myself.
> 
> Here is a tissue, and a great big hug to make it all better ⊂((・▽・))⊃ Thank you so much for reading this, I am so relived I finally got around to finishing it. I considered scrapping it for months before I finally got my butt to sit down and just...ya know, write.  
> I'm happy with how it turned out and while I'm not one for writing sad/bittersweet endings, just know these two idiots are currently sharing a warm blanket while watching cheesy Christmas movies to wait out the rest of 2020.
> 
> Have a great rest of your day/night!! ❤❤❤


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